Baba

Wednesday 7/3/2013

On Friday night, Mama got a bad phone call.  Her ex-husband was in the hospital—he had just had a heart attack.  She sounded grave.  She said even though they are separated, they still care for each other, so she was very worried about him.  She dressed quickly and headed to the hospital that night.

Kristen and I were gone for the weekend on safari.  When we returned late Sunday night, we immediately knew something was wrong.  There was a lady standing outside the house, and Mama rarely has guests late at night.  We were met with even more people as we entered the house.  The living room furniture had been rearranged to accommodate all the guests.  Finally we reached Mama, who spoke in a soft voice.  She had bad news: Johnny’s father passed away that weekend.

On Monday morning, I greeted Mama with the usual “Habari za asubuhi” – which roughly means
How are you this morning?” Rather than responding with the usual “Nzuri” (fine), she responded, “Salama” (peaceful).  

Many friends, neighbors, and family came to offer condolences.  There was a steady stream of guests coming through the house each day, leaving lots of chai cups in the wash basin.  “They come to say pole to me,” Mama said.  There were also several women who came to help around the house for the days leading up to the funeral.  Mama was not allowed to work in the days leading up to the funeral.  She has worn a black sweater and head wrap these past few days.  Mama explained that:

“The days before the funeral, we are supposed to be sad.  After the funeral, we should be happy.”

In other news, Mama’s older daughter, Anna (22), came home from university yesterday.  Anna studies insurance at the University of Dar Es Salaam, and classes just finished this past week.  It was fortunate that she was home in time for the funeral.

Kristen and I asked if we should attend the funeral or help with any preparations.  Mama refused our help, saying she had enough friends already helping, and she also suggested that we not attend the funeral.  She said that the funeral might be long and we wouldn’t understand the service in Swahili.  She thanked us for our support and reassured us that she would have enough friends around her at the funeral to comfort her.

Today they held the funeral.  When we returned home from school this evening, there was a palpable change in atmosphere.  The mood had lifted.  The family was smiling and laughing, and Mama seemed more herself.  She was moving about the house with purpose, returning to her usual busyness.

Mama had changed into a white blouse and white headdress, a peaceful sight.  And Anna and Ruth wore matching black and white kanga skirts.  The kanga read:

YOTE NI MPANGO WA MUNGU

All is the plan of God.